Friday, August 17, 2007


I have started a new blog.

I didn't like the direction that this one was going in. Not really sure why.

so hop, skip, jump on over to

ENJOY! and feel free to link me! I'll re-link everyone also.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

it's been a while....

Ok, a brief overview of what's new!

-I broke up with LT. It was really strange, because he really was a good guy. It's just that things sort of fell flat for me. I wasn't physically attracted to him anymore. I mean, he was nice on the eyes, don't get me wrong, but when it came for.... more physical things.... eeeh. I didn't even want him to kiss me.

-SS is back in town for good. He got a job here. We fight a lot. I think our friendship may not work out at all. It's sad, but a lot of times he is more stress than anything else for me.

-I got a new job. It's good+good pay. I am a little frustrated though, because the position that I interviewed for was a really good job that I was very qualified for. Starting salary was 40k a year. Well when they called me back to hire me, they told me that they wanted to hire me for another position that stared at 29.5k a year, bc they decided to hire internally for the one that i interviewed for. So I get there for orientation, and the other 3 new hires are there for the 40k job that i told was being hired for internally. Grr. But the manager did tell me that it was very possible that they would move me up to that position within a few months.

-looking for a new place. The BFF and i are looking for some nice, affordable 2 bedrooms that will accept my dog. I would love to find a place with a fenced in yard, but she is small enough that it is not a necessity.

I'll try to not be such a slacker on the blog anymore!!

Sunday, June 3, 2007

some new things going on

So first of all, we'll start with SS. Didn't talk to him for quite a while, then all of a sudden, about 4 days before he was supposed to come back home after graduation, he starts calling and texting constantly. He says that he wants to try dating again now that he is home. Ok, whatever, I figured I'd give it a try, although I was pretty pessimistic about the whole thing. so we were talking pretty much every day, and we went to dinner on tuesday night, and then i didnt' hear from him until friday. basic jist of it all, things went well at dinner, but in general didn't go well, and yesterday he tells me that he just doesn't want a relationship and he's going to concentrate on having fun. i said, "well congratulations because i'm done with you." stupid stupid boy.

also, i met a boy. from we'll call him LT. He's very nice. we met for drinks on wednesday and had a really good time. he is very cute and nice. we went out again friday night, and we had a nice kiss. we'll see, but i'd say there is potential.

Also, Friday night I went out with GS and his girlfriend (the ugly one haha). Anyway, we had a good time, and then GS and I went outside to smoke while his girlfriend watched our table inside, and he tried to kiss me 3 times. and then he freaked out, made me swear to never tell his girlfriend (why the heck would I???) and then they left haha. it was totally strange. But yea, i was not ok with that. So after he left I hung out with LT.

and now, back to the stupid mtv movie awards haha.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

avril speaks the truth

first things first, SS basically told me on saturday that all of the feelings he thought he had for me were a lie. In his words, "i'm so confused about what I was feeling, and I think that means that I never really felt it at all." He then proceeded to call himself a huge asshole, a fuckhead, etc, and apologize several times. To which I said, "sorry but I'm not the one who's going to make you feel better this time. You fucked up." or something like that. I know he is confused and having a hard time, and I tried to be there for him and be supportive, but when someone tells you everything that they said and felt was basicaly a lie, that's something that shouldn't be put up with. So we have had absolutely no contact since then. And honestly, even if he came to me one day and said he is horribly sorry and all he wants is me, I really don't know if I could ever trust anything he says again. Then he had the nerve to text my best friend and tell her that she should take me out because he hurt me really badly. She pried for information, and he told HER that he still really really likes me, he just doesn't know what to do, and that he doesn't understand why, but it has to be this way for now. WTF. that's all i can say.

So saturday night we went out, got extremely drunk, afterpartied with my gay bff til 6am, and a random, kind of scary 40 year old man named Stone wrote me a love letter. Overall, amazing times.

Oh, and another story. There is a very cute boy that works at a local establishment near my house. I won't say exactly what this establishment is, for "security, anonymity purposes." But I go there at least once a day. It's not a sketchy place or anything, haha, swear. So anyway, oddly enough, we sort of became friends. He moved here from across the country, and 6 months ago, his girlfriend moved here too. Anyway, we'll call cute boy GS. So GS and I will hang out and talk while he is at work, sometimes for at least an hour. I will go to leave, and he'll be like, "don't leave, stay and keep me company." So, he is going on a trip back to his hometown to see a band play and his girlfriend can't go because of money purposes. He has told me that she doesn't have any friends here, and maybe we could hang out so she would have a girl to be friends with. So he asked for my number so we could all hang out. He was thinking about meeting us out on saturday. Well they didnt', but he called on Sunday and chit-chatted with me for a while. Well it turns out that on his bus ride to his hometown, he'll be passing through the same city that SS lives in. he said I should go on the bus ride with him until we get to SS's city so we can keep each other company. Hmm. Well anyway, tonight when I was at his work, his girlfriend called and she gave me her myspace url. So I checked it out, and HOLY CRAP. THIS GIRL IS UGLY! Not even a little homely in a cute way, but UGLY. It's disappointed, b/c GS is so adorable and sweet. And his girlfriend is ugly, and apparently a little ghetto too. Huh. Which reminds me of that super annoying new avril levigne song, "Hey hey! You you! I know what your girlfriend looks like, no way! I think you need a new one!" haha. So I guess I have to be GS's girlfriends buddy now, and maybe do a little flirting with him to make him realize I am way cuter than his girlfriend will ever be. (semi-kidding there. hehe)

Saturday, May 5, 2007

yeah right, Dr. Phil

So I just subscribed to another month of

I thought to myself, why am I bothering with SS? He doesnt know if he wants to be with me, plain and simple. He may tell me that if he were settled and knew where he was going to be in 3 months, he would have no doubts. But the truth of the matter is, he doesn't know where he is going to be, and that makes him unsure of us. And if I'm going to be completely honest with myself, I know what's going to happen. When he comes home at the end of may, he is going to go back to the way things were. He just said to me a few days ago, "I can't wait until i am done with school so I can come home and spend time with you." But after that happens, he probably is going to get a job in Arizona or California, and things are inevitably not going to work out. So why am I bothering? Sounds kind of negative, but it's true.

So back to match. I did this once before and didn't have much luck at all. I met a few cool guys, actually dated one for a very brief period of time, but nothing really important.

This should be interesting.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

bad idea

I haven't heard from SS in almost 3 days. While he was in Arizona for his flying thing, he either called or texted me every day. Sunday he texted me and said they were stopping at the grand canyon before they headed back to school. And then.... nothing. I broke down Sunday night and texted him and said something about wanting to make sure they got home safely. (Which was true)... He texted me back and said that they were about 3 hours away. And nothing since then. So last night I did something bad. I sent him this IM.

i shouldn't be doing this. but i miss you. a lot. i can't get you out of my head and it sucks. i wonder how your trip was and if you had fun, and i just miss you. i miss talking to you and laughing with you. and i keep thinking about feeling your arms around me. i really hope that you are doing ok. this is all i'm going to say now, b/c it's not so fun for me. and i really am going to stick to my guns about not calling or texting now, i know i kind of sucked at it before. but i really did try. i want to give you your space if you need it. but it's hard. i wonder if it's hard for you too. i know you are getting down to the wire with school and you are probably really busy. if you want to call or text, i'm more than happy to talk to you. but i've gotta try to stop waiting and checking. its hard. ok, i'm really sorry. i'm just having a hard time with a lot of stuff. and missing you is one of them. ok i'm shutting up now.

I'm horrible at the whole "not caring" business. I mean, he knows that I care. It's no secret. I know that he cares too. But now, I've probably ruined it. But if I act like I don't care, that I'm going on as usual and it's not bothering me, I think that he'll think that I just don't care and he should just forget about it and move on. I"m an idiot. I probably just screwed things up big time with that one instant message. Way to go, me.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

hello there strangers

I got a site meter for my blog, and I must say, I'm pretty surprised at the amount of people that come across my little blog each day.

So, if you stop by, drop a comment and say hello!

I also find some of the google searches that people have found me through to be absolutely hilarious.

That's all for now. The lack of things to do this weekend have left me feeling a little down, and extra sad about the boyfriend situation.