how about a story?

I think I'm becoming one of those pessimistic daters. I've come to the point where I don't expect anything to happen. It's probably because I've been disappointed so many times in the past. Ok, so I've had 2 serious relationships in my 24 years.

The first:
We'll call him "Mr. Athlete" (I'll call him this because he played college football. By the way, I really do enjoy these made-up names!). Mr. Athlete and I were set up by my best friend during my sophomore year at college. He and my Best Friend had worked together over summers for a few years. He came over one night to watch a movie, and we hit it off, and were pretty much dating right after that. You will come to see that both of my LTR's happened very quickly. Anyway, we were together for a little over 2 years. He was a great guy, treated me well all the time, never wanted to fight. There were times when I was tempted to just start a fight because every time a disagreement would come up, he would say something like, "I'm sorry, I love you, let's not fight." Not that I want (or wanted at that point) someone who fought with me. I just don't think there is anything wrong with a little heated disagreement every once in a while. Well, Mr. Athlete was head over heels in love with me. And after about 2 years, I started to get that nagging feeling in the back of my head. Ya know, the one that whispers "he's not the one" during conversations about our future. Bad sign? Indeed. I just honestly couldn't see myself marrying him and having kids with him. So I broke it off. He was very torn up, and I still feel bad about breaking his big macho heart. Ya know how I knew that I made the right decision and never regretted it?I never cried. I missed his company, but I didn't feel that break in my heart. But Karma's a bitch, and I would eventually get my heart broken in two. That leads to....

The Second:
We'll call him "Ex J" ... Ex J and I met on.....myspace. That's right. Myspace. Although I never told anyone except for my friends this, and certainly never told my family. They thought we met at a bar. I guess that is somehow better! So anyway, Ex J lived on the same side of town that I lived on, and so we would randomly send each other messages every once in a while about a pub crawl we'd heard about, etc. We had exchanged instant messenger names, but these conversations were few and far between. One day, out of the blue, he IM's me and we ended up talking for a while, when he asked for my phone number. I give it to him, he calls, and we talk for about 4 hours. He asked me on a date during that first phone conversation. We continued to talk on the phone every night that week, and went on our date that Saturday night. We went to a movie, then he decided to join my friends and me at a bar for a going away party for a college friend. Since we both had been drinking, he stayed at my house. From that night on, we were inseperable. Within a week, we were staying at each other's houses every night, and within three weeks, he took me to meet his parents. Things were great, I was the happiest I had ever been. He said that he hadn't been so happy in a very long time. He and his ex had broken up a few months earlier after a 6 and a half year relationship.(red flag? now I know this) . Well I guess his ex found out that we were serious, and she began to call and text constantly saying how she missed him and still loved him, blah blah. Meanwhile, she had a new boyfriend. I, being a good girlfriend, let this go because he told me that I had nothing to worry about, he was with me and he wanted to be with me. Until one night when he hit me with "I'm confused." Oh well great! So basically we went back and forth for about a month of him saying he just needed to talk to her and figure things out, but he still wanted to be with me. This went on for about 2 months, and finally I told him that I couldn't do it anymore. I loved him, but I couldn't sit around and be second best anymore, and wait for his ex to decide if she wanted him back. Because that's basically, in a nutshell, what was happening. Even if he didn't see it that way. so we broke up, continued to act like boyfriend/girlfriend for another couple of weeks and then finally stopped seeing each other. He told me that he just needed some time to figure out who he was a single person since he had been in such a long relationship with her and then jumped into one with me. But he said that I was "the one" and to wait for him. So, as a love-struck idiot, I did. And about 2 weeks later, my best friend and I see him at a restaurant with a girl. Hmmm. He knows we are there, calls me the next day and says that he has a new girlfriend. After that, I cried for approximately 3 months. It's been a year and a few months, and I am finally completely over it. I guess I never really believed that your heart could physically hurt until then. Ya know, I thought I was done looking. I thought that I had found the one that I was going to marry, have children with, and spend the rest of my life with. It's a pretty big smack in the face to realize that you are back to square one.

And so begins a string of many first dates, many bad first dates, lots of frustration, and lots of confusion.